


Encounters

by catfisher



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: And It Won't Be Pretty, Cause I Might, Could Be Canon, Don't Make Me Beg, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff and Angst, I suck at tagging, Love/Hate, just read it
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-24
Updated: 2018-06-13
Packaged: 2019-04-07 09:20:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 18,904
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14077758
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/catfisher/pseuds/catfisher
Summary: Ten years, countless arguments, one war and too many secrets later - they might just realize, that they can't get rid of each other. Or want to.





	1. Over You

**Author's Note:**

> This story has four chapters. 
> 
> Disclaimer: This is a work of fan fiction using characters from the Harry Potter world, which is trademarked by J. K. Rowling. None of the characters belong to me. 
> 
> Have fun!

**1991**

_"Maybe if I tell myself enough. Maybe if I do. I'll get over you."_ \- Over You, Ingrid Michaelson

 

Hermione Granger had snuck away, to explore what could only be described as paradise. She found herself surrounded by seemingly endless shelves, full of books that contained the secrets and knowledge of the magical society. A society, that had remained undetected for centuries. And Hermione was now one of the few outsiders, that were privy to their world.

Five days ago, she had been a perfectly ordinary girl. Until finding a jolly looking and rather small man on her doorstep. He had intruduced himself as Professor Flitwick of the Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry. After making her mothers pot plants waltz with a swing of his wand, he declared Hermione a witch.

In many ways, she had always known that she was a bit different from all her schoolmates. When they went outside to play hide and seek, she preferred to stick her nose into every big book she could find. Perfect marks were more important to her than anything. The others sometimes made fun of that and called her names for it, but Hermione never bothered to be hurt by their childish behavior. At least she pretended not to be. Success and education were more important than playing with dolls and making friends. The logic part of her brain knew that. Still she sometimes caught herself thinking, how nice it would be to have someone to talk, that wasn't her parents.

Grimly she remembered Bethany Payne laughing about her neatly stacked and carefully marked notes. Now that Hermione was a witch, she was never going to see her and the rest of the mean girls in that class again. She was going to have a very exiting life, and meet other magic people that were smart and interesting and finally belong. It had already started.

The Professor was helping her buy everything she would need to attend the best wizarding school in the whole country. And that in a fantastic alley full of impossible things. Including the most amazing bookshop Hermione had ever seen.

Of course the required books on the Hogwarts list, weren't enough for Hermione. She already had an disantvantage, because she had to learn everrything about magic, that her future  classmates had grown up with. It was important that she absorbed as much knowledge as possible before reaching the school. So she had disappeared between the high shelves, while Professor Flitwick was distracted, bargaining with the shop owner.

Deeper and deeper she wandered into the labyrinth of treasures. Her fingertips were stroking the backs of the old books. Now and then she inspected one more closely. Strangly, some of them seemed to be alive. She could have sworn she saw one breathing. And another one was emitting slowly swirling, lilac fumes. At the thought of entient, magical books her heart began beating even faster.  
She passed an encyclopedia with the title _'enchanting chants and spells for beginners'_ that seemed to be whispering. Astonished she halted and carefully grabbed the beautiful specimen wrapped in smooth, dark green leather.

“I wouldn't, if I were you”, a snarky voice said from behind her, just as Hermoine opened the heavy covers.

Before she could read a single letter, the pages started to screech loudly. And with the most inadequate singing voice. She yelped in horror and pressed it shut with unnecessary force. This might have been the first time she didn't enjoy unfolding a book.

“Told you so”, the voice said, sounding smug. Hermoine whirled around, looking at the pale boy that had spoken. He was about her own age. And staring at her full of curiosity, as if she were a strange animal. Self consciously she tried to push her bushy locks behind her ears.

Something about his pristine blonde hair and perfectly tailored clothes made him look life a life sized doll, that had been dressed up. It made her feel inadequate in her grandmas self-knitted sweater.

“How did you know it would do that?” Hermione asked baffled and still a bit shaken from the unwanted musical performance. If one could call it that.

“My father has one one these in his library,” he said shrugging, ”it's a more valuable copy of course. Still an incredibly annoying piece of garbage though.”

Normally Hermoine would frown upon calling any literature garbage, but in the case of this particular sample an exception could be made. She told the boy as much and than added without being able to disguise a twinge of jealousy in her words: “You have a whole library at home?”

She imagined how great it would be to own hundreds of book about the unknown depth of magic. She would probably never stop reading. Not even to sleep

“Of course. It's the biggest and most expensive private collection in the country, says my father.” The boy boasted. Hermoine stared at him, her envy growing. “That sounds amazing.”

“I know.” He grinned, cheeks glowing and appearently so encouraged by her reaction, he forgot to sound infalted and even smiled. “It has everything! Books about the most insane curses, that made people grow three heads, and how to make people do whatever you want – and I even found one, that explains how to turn yourself into anyone else with a crazy potion!”

Hermoine couldn't believe that the first magical person she had met in her age, was actually interested in reading. It proved her theory that the other magical kidsweren't as silly as the ones in her old class. Even though the boys taste in spells was a bit creepy. Growing three heads defnitly wasn't one Hermione's list, but nevertheless. She had been right. Young wizards and witches really were her people, and she would fit in for the first time in her life.

“I wish there was a library like that at my house. It sounds amazing.” She said honestly, looking up the endless walls of books.

“Yes, it's marvelous.” The boy said, his cheeks a bit pink. Hermoine noticed that he tended to talk somewhat pompously for an eleven year old. He looked at his feet when he mumbled: “I just wish I was allowed to go inside. I always have to sneak in.” But suddenly smirked again, pointing at the book that was still jittering in Hermione's hands. “And that talentless piece of shit has almost gotten be caught once.”

“Well, Professor Flitwick told me that the library in Hogwarts is enormous. I am sure students will be allowed in whenever they want. I am so exited. It's going to be my first year, and I can't wait to get there.” She was rambling, but what else was new.

“This is my first year too.” He said proudly. “And I will be a Slytherin."

Confused about his certainly, she tried to remember every word the Professor had told her. Hermione disliked not being correctly informed.  
“I thought there is a ceremony on the first evening, were everyone will be assigned a house", she said with forrowed brows.

“I am sure already,” he laughed a bit condescending, as if it was embaressing that she didnt. “My whole family was in Slytherin. Where were yours ?” Than he haltet, looking up and down on her. “Please don't say Hufflepuff.”

Hermione crossed her arm, slowly getting annoyed. Why was he acting as if Hufflepuff was less valuable than the other equally important houses? Wasn't the whole point that they each had different, good qualities?

“I really wouldn't know, seeing as they never went to Hogwarts”, she snapped not even knowing, why she wanted this pretentious boy to approve of her. Maybe it was because he liked reading enough to sneak into his father library and open screeching books.

“Are they-... you aren't a muggle, are you ?” The boy asked concerned. The way he said it, it sounded like an insult. Hermione begun to wonder, if it was even worth wanting him to like her. He seemed a bit snobby and elitest.

“No!” She hissed, now really irritated. “I am a witch. But my parents are.”  
“Oh. That means that you are a-...”  
“A what?” She felt indignation, as the boy walked backwards. He was mustering her now very irritated. As if she had betrayed him and turned into a very disgusting slug without his permission.

“Draco, where are you?” A women called. It sounded like she was coming closer.

The boy – Draco most likely – turned around and fled, without saying so much as goodbye.

*****

The Hogwarts Express was noisy, full, chaotic and Hermione's seatmate had lost his toad. He was currently trying to climb underneath her legs to look for it, while moaning loudly about his grandmother's rage. Mostly to get away, she promised to help look for his pet and left.

In her search for the escaped toad, she visited almost every compartment in the whole train.

Most were filled with older students caching up with their friends. In one some sort of prefect meeting was held. And in another one, a couple of teenagers were hosting a wrestling match with two moving chess pieces that seemed to be fighting to the death, cheered on by almost twenty students that were pressed to together very tightly on the six seats. But the most exiting one had Harry Potter in it. Hermoine had read about him. She couldn't believe, that she was actually going visit classes together with someone, that had already made it into history books. The redhead he was sitting next to seemed a bit dim though.

Hermione had almost given up on getting back 'Trevor', when she opened the last door next to her own. She found herself face to face with the pale boy from the bookshop. Draco. He was surrounded by five other guys, that were rowdily playing with exploding cards and throwing sweets at each others heads. They interrupted their antics to stare at her.

“I am looking for a toad, has anyone seen it?” She asked bravely. None of them said anything.

The eyes of the pale boy were mustering her coldly, without any of the curiosity she remembered from the bookshop. There was just blankness.  
Some of the others started to giggle. Hermoine cleared her throat: “It's not mine … I'm just helping it's owner to look for it.”

It was Draco who finally deigened to answer her, smirking utterly charmeless: “You can tell that fat oaf Longbottom, that if he want's his sad excuse for a croaking piece of snot back-”,he sneered accompanied by the amused grunting of his friends, “he should come himself and not send some muggle girl.”

Hermoine felt her cheeks heat up. After their first meeting she had thought, he might have some redeeming qualities, but now she was sure she had been mistaken.  
“You took it?” She asked outraged, crossing her arms. He just shrugged, the others laughed. What an arse.

“As I said, if he want's it – he can come and get it.” At that two very big, gorilla like guys next to them were clenching their giant fists. How charming.

“And now bugger of, we're busy.” He ended with a small wave of his wrist and they all continued playing their pointless game. Hermione slammed the door so hard, she was afraid the glass was going to break. So this Draco was a giant prick. Good to know.

*****

It was late and most of the other students had already left the library to go to their dorms. But Hermione was still scouring for every bit of information she could find about Nicolas Flamel. Harry and Ron had proven themselves worthless when it came to researching, so she had taken on the task alone. Her eyes were already hurting from all the dusty pages, but she knew that she wouldn't find any sleep, if she didn't finish what she had intended to do tonight.

“You come here a lot”, a familiar voice said behind her. She was so startled that she almost pushed over her ink pot.  
“Are you crazy sneaking up on me like that, Malfoy? ”, she hissed as she turned around to him. He was smirking obnoxiously. As always.

Of course she came to the library a lot. But she could say the same about him. Especially late in the evenings when only a few students were still working, she had noticed that Draco Malfoy of all people was lurking around. From their first encounter she deducted that he might be a bigger fan of reading than he wanted to let on, not that made him any less of an unlikable snob.  
Her disapproval of him had only grown since his show of nastiness in the Hogwarts Express. It wasn't helping that he had apparently made it his sole purpose to provoke and insult Harry and Ron, whenever he saw them. He had turned out to be an arrogant, mean little tyrant that strutted around Hogwarts like he owned the place.  
They never really talked, he mostly focused his insult on the boys, but she sometimes noticed him staring at her angrily in class, or watching her through the bookshelves in the library. She guessed he was jealous of all the points she kept getting. It would fit his foul personality.

“What are you doing ?” He asked after a short while, dropping down on the chair next to her without any permission. Hermoine wanted him gone, so she could continue looking into her research about Flamel.

“What does it look like ? I am studying.” She said annoyed, sliding away from him and burying her nose back in her transformations book. She had already read it three times, before she had even set foot into Hogwarts.

“Don't you have any friends to hang out with instead?” Draco jeered, “is that why your always studying ? Or is it because you enjoy being an intrusiv wisenheimer ?”

Hermoine sighed but didn't look up. A couple of weeks ago, that comment would have hurt. But after the whole troll in girls toilet incident, she did have friends. For the first time in her life. And she had been called a know-it-all so many times in her life. It had lost it's touch.

“If you think I am so annoying, what are you doing here?” she asked calmly. There was a long, very untypical silence. When she finally raised her her eyes from the page, he was staring at her. But not in his usual pained and angry way. He looked sort of nervous.

“What?” She asked irritated. Somehow he had become even paler.

“I don't think your annoying”, he whispered. And before she could even open her mouth to respond, he jumped up and fled. That was the last time he talked to her until the end of the school year.

 

**1992**

Gilderoy Lockart had the most perfect blonde curls. But that was even that important considering how brave he was, and what great dangers he had successfully withstood. Hermoine felt her heart flutter a bit, as he beamed into the crowd in Flourish and Blotts and their eyes seemed to meet. He was just so good looking and worldly. Not like Ron, who was currently picking his nose next to her.

Not even the encounter with Draco and his less than pleasant father could dampen her good mood, after Gilderoy Lockart had signed all her books elegantly. When Mr Malfoy insulted her parents and got into a fist fight with Mr Weasley, Hermoine understood were Draco had got his charms.

She remembered the first time they had met, almost a year ago in the exact same bookshop. He had been a arrogant jerk even back than. But with a father like that who wouldn't be ? Mr Malfoy definitely seemed like the kind of man, that would forbid his son from visiting his precious library.

Later Harry told her and Ron about eavesdropping on the Malfoy's, while they were shopping in Borgin and Borks. He reported how Draco had been giving a talking to, because he was second best after a muggelborn – Hermione – in class. She didn't tell her friends, but she felt a bit sorry for him at that, when she thought about her own parents supporting her no matter what. But as she was laying awake in her bed that night the Malfoy's weren't on her mind.

She was busy dreaming about her new Professor for Defense Against the Dark Arts. Hermione still couldn't believe she was going to see Gilderoy Lockart almost everyday in school, that she was going to be able to impress him with her knowledge.

He was going to appreciate her intellectual curiosity. Because contrary to the boys that surrounded her – he was a man. She fell asleep fantasizing about him telling her every little thing about his many adventures, while smiling brightly.

*****

The Quidditch teams of Gryffindor and Slytherin had were facing each other on the field, and it looked like they were about to fight.

So Ron and Hermione ran down from the ranks were they had watched their team practice. As they came closer, they realized that the Slytherins were showing off their new brooms. Sponsored by Lucius Malfoy. And their new Seeker, that had probably come with that deal.

Hermione said what everyone was thinking, that their player were at least chosen for their talents and not bribed their way in like Draco had. At that he stared at her with so much hatred, she almost flinched.

“No one asked for your opinion, you filthy little mudblood”, he spat.

Hermoine had no idea what that word meant, but it must be bad – considering the reaction of the others. Ron even pulled out his broken wand. After his curse had backfired, Hermione didn't acknowledge Draco with so much as a glance and helped Harry take care of Ron.

But if she had, she would have seen the expression of regret and shame on the Draco's face.

After learning what 'Mudblood' really meant, she decided he wasn't even worth pitying. No matter how horrible his father was, it turned out the rotten apple didn't fall far from the tree.

*****

Since they had found the petrified Mrs Norris, everyone especially the muggelborn students had become tense.

And after the disaster of duel club, where Harry had revealed that he was a parselmouth, the whole school thought he was the heir of Slytherin, while Harry and Ron suspected Draco Malfoy. Especially after he had threatened all _mudbloods_ on the night of Halloween, looking directly at Hermione.

Still she wasn't sure about their theory, but helped nonetheless. Who except her, could brew the polyjuice potion for them ? Even if he probably wasn't guilty, maybe Draco knew something about the chamber of secrets that could be useful. And Hermione had secretly always wanted to brew a potion, that was this level of complicated, just to prove she could.

After another brilliant lesson in Defense Against the Dark Arts, Hermione planned to linger to get a chance to talk to Professor Lockart about his encounter with the Glastonbury Vampire, so she took extra long to pack her stuff. Almost everyone had already left, only Draco Malfoy was still loitering. She glared at him, but all that archived, was him glaring back. He didn't show the slightest inclination to leave.

When Professor Lockart disappeared into his rooms into the back, he was still leaning against the door, arms crossed. Hermoine could honestly hit him in that moment. With her reason to dawdle gone, she gathered all her things quickly and wanted to storm out, but Draco still didn't move, blocking the door.

“You fancy him don't you?” He asked, sounding more snotty than ever.

“I don't know what you are talking about”, she responded defensively, mirroring his crossed arms.

“Please, I am not as dumb as your moron friends. You obviously fancy that sad excuse for a teacher and his stupid fake laugh. It's pathetic.”

“His laugh is not fake”, she snapped at him, not caring that she gave away her crush with that. To her surprise he didn't exploit her slip up. He just sniffed. “So you do actually like him.”

“It's really none of your business, Malfoy.” Her voice was full of disdain. It made him deflate, until he looked tired and desolate. A flash of guilt hit her, even though she didn't know what she could have possibly done to him.

“I am gonna go now.” Hermione stated, but she wasn't sure if he even listened. So she just pushed by him and tried to forget all about it.

*****

It was a Basilisk. It had had to be. Hermoine had read the page, describing the monster again and again. Everything fit. Only Harry could hear it, since it was a snake. An animal that not so coincidentally also represented the house Slytherin. Because Salazar Slytherin – just like his heir, would have been able to control it with parsel. It all made sense. Even the petrifications. Looking into the Basilisk eyes directly meant instant death, but all victims had seen it through something. And that was why there had been no killings. Yet.  
She only wondered how a giant snake was able to move around Hogwarts undetected and attack students. But then it hid her. Harry had heard an invisible voice, because it had been crawling in the walls and ceiling. Exited she ripped out the page, and scribbled the word _pipes_ on it. When she looked up, she found herself in front of a very pale and slightly manic seeming Draco.

“That's very unlike you.” He said, pointing at the torn out page in her hand.  
“I don't have time for one of our weird little talks right now. This is important.” She waved the paper in front of his face, without giving him a chance to actually read it.

Draco sighed, as if she was the unreasonable one. “My thing is too”, he instited but was not able to form a coherent sentence after that. “Important I mean. I have to- … I have to warn you”, he began stuttering.

“I really have to go.” She felt her palms getting sweaty, thinking about a giant  reptile killing students this very moment, when she could have warned them.

Pushing past him, he grabbed her elbow. “Let go of me!” She squealed, surprised.

The look in his blue eyes was torn between hesitant and worried. All in all, he was acting very strange. If Hermione's thoughts hadn't been occupied otherwise, she might have wondered.

“Just stay away from Ginny Weasley, okay ?” he said so quickly, he almost tripped over his tongue.

Hermione freed herself and left, without even reacting to that weird comment. Malfoy's games didn't have priority in the moment.

She was running, and almost crashed into a girl with big, blonde curls. Thinking about the Basilisk she asked: “Do you have a mirror ?”

 

**1993**

Harry had fainted when the Dementor had searched their compartment for Sirius Black. Hermione was still worried, when they reached the entrance hall. Therefore she didn't find Malfoy's reenactment of the incident for his snickering friends, very funny. She was about to go over and tell him as much, when Professor McGonagall called her and Harry into her office.

When they got send back to the banquet a few minutes later, her heart was fluttering. She had been given a Time Turner. Not only was this year going to feature many interesting new classes, she was going to be able to visit them by _turning back time_. After being petrified for weeks, she had felt as if she had missed out on so much – but now it seemed she had been handed all the time she needed.

She was still reveling in her joy about the possibilities, that she barley noticed Malfoy staring at her from the Slytherin table. Just like everyone else, he had been hit by a growth spurt. Loosing all the baby fat made his face looked sharper.

But his character clearly hadn't grown together with his body. He had proven that by the short and unnecessary visit to their compartment in the train and his behavior after hearing about Harry's accident. During the holidays, Hermione had spent more time than she wanted to admit, thinking about him.

 _Why had wanted her to stay away Ginny ?_ Of course he had known that his father had given her Tom Riddle's Diary, but why warn _her_ of all people ?

She hadn't told the others about it, because she wanted to understand it first. At least that was what she tried to convince herself of. Maybe it also felt, _private_ somehow. And she just didn't want to endure Ron's surly dumbfounded and Harry's predictable angry expressions at that story. Hermione just couldn't make sense of Malfoy's behavior. It had almost seemed like he had been scared for her back then. But now when Harry and Ron had pretended to be Crabbe and Goyle a couple of weeks earlier, he had told them that he wished the monster would kill her.

And now he was acting like the same prick he always had.

That didn't change the next day. In their first lesson with Hagrid – that was going well contrary to her worst expectations – Malfoy manged to get attacked by insulting an Hippogriff. Just because he didn't listen, when they were told to not do that exact thing.

Hermoine was seething with anger and begrudgingly worried, when she used her Time Turner to go the the hospital wing, while simultaneously sitting in Ancient Runes.

She was going to tell Draco Malfoy exactly what she thought of irresponsible idiots like him. And also use that opportunity to confront him about the warning, that still made head hurt. While being there, she could also check if he was ok – but that was just coincidental.

When Madam Pomfrey spotted Hermione rushing into the hospital wing, she oddly didn't seem very surprised.

“He is sleeping I am afraid. You are here to see Mr Malfoy, are you not ?” The nurse asked with the hint of a smile. Hermoine felt like a deer, caught in the headlights.  
“I- well, I am just here to bring him some homework”, she mumbled cheeks heating up.

“On the very first day of school, how considerate of you.” There was a knowing twinkle in her eye, when she continued. “Almost as considerate, as Mr Malfoy bringing notes to a petrified patient of mine, a couple of month ago.”

Hermione felt her jaw drop. He had visited her when she had been petrified ? That certainly was strange. As was the warm feeling, that spread in her stomach at that thought.

“Err, that's – did he say-...”, she began just as the door opened, and Pansy Parkinson came strutting in, with what looked like a _Get Well Soon_ Card and a truly hideous collection of pink flowers in her hands. Hermione doubted that they would be Draco's taste.

“What are _you_ doing here, Granger ?” she asked with a vicious glint in her eyes. Hermoine squared her shoulders and gave her the most condescending glare she could muster up.

“Not that it concerns you, _Parkinson_ – but I was picking up a Pepper-Up-Potion for my cold”, she said calmly. Than she turned around to the slightly bemused Madam Pomfrey: “Thanks again for all your help, I'll be sure to use it once a day until I feel better. Goodbye.”

With that she left the hospital wing, carefully making sure it didn't look like fleeing.

*****

Confronting Malfoy about his contradicting actions seemed more vital, after learning that he had also visited her.

The embarrassing 'warm feelings' she had felt thinking – however impossible that was – he may care about her a little, had vanished due to his petty milking of the accident to get Hagrid in trouble. So talking to him would at least not be awkward.

Hermione just had to find a way to corner him. The library had proven to be a good spot. It was the only time he left his entourage behind, likely because Crabbe and Goyle thought books were only used as doorstoppers and were possibly unable to even read.

Sadly no opportunity presented itself in the following weeks.

The only class they both visted without Harry and Ron was Arithmancy, together with only three Rawenclaws and an arrogant looking Slytherin called Blaise Zabini. But Hermione wasn't going to jeopardize a good performance in her most difficult class, to talk to Draco Malfoy.

No matter how much unwelcome time she spent thinking about him.

One Sunday morning, when Harry had Quidditch training and Ron was still sleeping, Hermione went downstairs quickly grab herself a toast and than dive into the her pile of homework. Sometimes even she wasn't able to finish all off them without turning back time a couple of hours on the weekends. Not that she was bothered, she loved working and she wanted to prove that she could handle it.

Hermione was feverishly thinking about her astrology maps, when she heard a familiar snarky voice behind the next corner. Draco, flanked by his two gorilla friends were facing a scared looking Hufflepuff, named Ernie. Hermione knew that, because he had come over to her, Harry and Ron at breakfast a couple of days ago and greeted the boys in a rather pompous manner. When she had tried to talk to him though, his face tarnished in a very unflattering crimson and he started stuttering about some utter nonsense.

“...- wouldn't suggest that, McMillan – or I'll ask Crabbe and Goyle to teach you a little lesson on what happens to people that cross me.” Malfoy snarled as vicious as ever. Hermione felt her muscles clench. Why did he feel the need to be such an utter prick all of the time ?

“I don't even know what you mean!” Ernie squealed, throwing Goyle's balled fist a panicked look.

“All right, you asked for it.” Malfoy grinned, taking a step back, as if to clear the way for his goons. Hermoine decided it was time to intervene.

“What's going on ?” She asked loudly, and all four boys turned to around her. Ernie strangely looked even more miserable at her sight, and Malfoy raised an eyebrow.

“Nothing to see here Granger, move along. I am sure you have some homework to do, or something equally fascinating. Better leave that self righteous hero act to Potter, it suits you even less.”

“Well what would suit me in your opinion ?” She asked slowly pulling her wand, “hexing you a real injury so you can actually put that fake bandage to good use ?”

“Tss, tss.” Malfoy smirked, “no need for violent threats, beaver-face.”

Hermoine sharply raised her wand, ready to make him crawl back to the hospital wing. To Malfoys luck, Professor Lupin chose that exact moment to appear. Almost as sudden, as if he had materialized out of thin air.

“Is there a problem here ?” He calmly asked, eyeing the strange scene infront of him with mild amusement. Hermoine still aiming at Malfoy's face, Ernie almost crying and Crabbe and Goyle gawking - not sure how to react to a wand, as if they had never seen one before in three years of Hogwarts. No one said anything. Ernie quietly whimpered. Neither Hermione nor Malfoy interrupted their glaring match.

Lupin sighed. “Well. Than I suggest that you put away your wand Miss Granger. And you all go downstairs and have some breakfast.”

Out of the corner of her eye Hermione saw Ernie quickly grab his back from the ground and scurry away. After another cough from the Professor she lowered her wand, not breaking eye contact with Malfoy. They fixated each other angrily for another seemingly endless while, until he finally looked down.

“Crabbe, Goyle!” He snapped, and with them in towing behind him, he left as well. When they were alone, Lupin raised a questioning eyebrow at Hermione.

“It was nothing, Professor. Just a misunderstanding. I should go down as well, I have a lot of work to catch up too.”

“Very well Miss Granger. Just promise I will never see you ready hex someone in the corridors again, or I won't be able to let it slip this easily.”

“Of course, Professor. It won't happen again.” She promised, really meaning it. Because on the rest of her way to the library, her plan to get a toast first long forgotten, she realized that she had no interest in talking to a tyrant, no matter how confusing he was. She had to much on her plate already to also wonder about someone like Malfoy. Even if he had visited and warned her last year – he was still a foul bully and she wanted nothing to do with him.

*****

Hermione wasn't focusing on her essay. It was infuriating. She kept thinking about Hagrid misery. His hippogriff had been ordered to a official hearing and she couldn't do anything to help him. Also it was hard to shake her anger about Ron making her cat responsible for his useless rat, that had probably just crawled somewhere to die of old age. As a result of his stupid accusation, he wasn't even talking to her. It was so immature and unnecessary.

On top of all that, she was absolutely exhausted. All her different classes taking a heavy toll on her, even if she would never admit that aloud. After twenty minutes of staring at her parchment and not writing a single word, she gave up and packed her things. Maybe it would help to just go to sleep. Her watch told her, that the library would close soon anyway. Just as she stood up to stretch her sore muscles, no other than Malfoy appeared behind a shelf and headed directly for her.

“Go away”, she said defensivly - sounding just as tired as she felt. Malfoy didn't seem to mind her hostile demenaor. He just kept advancing, until there were only an arm's length apart.

“Why should I?” He grinned, annoyingly chipper. “This is a public library you know.”

Hermione felt her already taxed nerves shaking. “I don't want you around me, okay ?” She snapped, “I am sick and tired of our little talks.”  
With that she tried to get past him, but Malfoy just smiled innocently. “Not sure I know what you mean.”

Back when she had planned to confront him, she had already though of a perfect speech. But now she was exhausted and blindsided and words just escaped her in an unplanned, embarrassingly hysteric fashion: “Oh please. Like this is the first time you cornered me in the past years. A few times it actually happened in this very library. Remember for example that time you told me 'you didn't think I was annoying' only to ignore my existence for a whole year ?” She felt her pulse raising, slowly becoming more agitated. _“Or maybe warning me about Ginny Weasley, has that also slipped your mind ?”_

Malfoy finally looked a bit uncomfortable, so she continued mercilessly.

“What about the countless times you insulted me and my friends, called me a mudblood ?” Hermione noticed her words getting louder, but she was unable to stop now.  
“And if I am such a horrible – but not annoying – mudblood, WHY DID YOU VISIT MY WHEN I WAS PETRIFIED?” The last part was almost a scream, and he visibly flinched at that.

“How did you know I – … where you conscious ? Did you hear what I said to you ?” Malfoy had blanched, looking horrified. Hermione realized that if she kept yelling, Mrs Pierce would probably show up and kick both of them out. So she tried to clam down.  
“No. Of course not. I was basically a statue.” Almost whispering, she added: “But I wish I had. Maybe than I would now why you are acting so … bloody confusing.”

To her surprise, Malfoy made a step closer – suddenly smiling mildly. It was a unusual sight, and also his close proximity made her a bit breathless.

“I thought you were smart. One should think you would have figured it out by now”, he mumbled still with that very concerning smile. Hermoine couldn't even form a coherent thought, so it wasn't sure if the word 'smart' applied to her anymore, as Draco slowly pushed one of her stray curls aside.

His long, jittery fingers awkwardly halted on her cheek. And before she could even process what was happening, he had leaned in and their lips brushed together.

After a few seconds he recoiled, as if had burned himself. Without another word he turned and quickly dissappeared.

He had left Hermione with a pounding heart, jittering knees and more confused than she had ever been before. She had been holding her breath, so she tried to get oxygen back into her frozen brain. To calm herself, she tried to collect all the facts: Draco Malfoy had just kissed her. It had been her first kiss. She had not disliked it.

The world didn't make sense anymore.

*****

The next time Hermoine found herself face to face with Draco was three weeks later in the company of Harry and Ron, as he laughed over Hagrid's grief.

“Have you ever seen anything quite as pathetic?” he said smirking so horribly smug, it made Hermione sick. “And he’s supposed to be our teacher!”

Both Harry and Ron moved towards him, but Hermione was faster then them.

With a very satisfying smack, her hand collided with his cheek. She slapped him for being a gloating asshole. And for getting Hagrid's Hippogriff executed in the first place. For three years of insulting and pestering her best friends. For being confusing.

And most of all for for kissing her. Specifically for kissing her and than running away, avoiding her for three bloody weeks like the coward that he was.

Hermione wanted to scream all that into his face, but she didn't. As his incredulous eyes met her fiery glare, she knew that he understood.

That she wanted him to stay away. For good this time.

 

**1994**

Hermione felt bile raise up in her throat when she saw Draco. He was leaning against a tree, seeming very relaxed. While only a hundred meters away, a muggle family was being terrorized, floating over the heads of a few drunk wizards, that missed the glory days.

Most of the campers that had come for the Quidditch world cup were fleeing into the forrest. Including Harry, Hermione and the younger Weasley siblings.

But they had lost Fred, George and Ginny and found Draco Malfoy instead. Harry and Ron were exchanging insults with him, only Hermione avoided looking his way.

Just as he had done, when they had met earlier that day. In the dignitaries' box were they had both watched the game, Draco had been sitting between his parents, not deigning her with single glance. It kind of made her miss his usual staring.

Not that she wanted that scumbag to pay attention to her, but being ignored like a piece of furniture hadn't been a blast either. Now however he was acknowledging her presence, looking directly at her. In the dim light she was momentarily convinced to see worry in his expression. But his words didn't match.

"Granger, they’re after Muggles. Do you want to be showing off your knickers in midair ? Because if you do, hang around…they’re moving this way, and it would give us all a laugh." He mocked and she felt her face burn. She wanted to throw a witty comeback at his head, but her brain was numb and useless.

"Hermione’s a witch." Harry said heated, while she was busy trying not look hurt.

Why did his words even bother her anyway ? It was bloody foolish to think he would be nicer than usal. _Just because he had been the first boy that had ever kissed her ?_

Clearly that hadn't been a big deal to him. And really, calling that a kiss was probably exaggerating. It had just been a very short pushing together of closed lips and he had acted like a prick ever since, and really what else should she have expected. Still, it wasn't a great feeling. She didn't even know why she cared. It wasn't, as if she even liked him. He was cruel and evil and she just wanted him to leave her alone.

"Have it your own way, Potter. If you think they can’t spot a Mudblood, stay where you are."

That was enough. Hermione grabbed both her friends that were ready to attack and tried to drag them away. She gave Malfoy a last deadly glare.

“Keep that big bushy head done, Granger!” Draco sneered at her, but there it was. That look of worry. Like he was warning her. Again. But Hermione just turned around and left, Harry and Ron in tow. He had no right to be worried, just as he had no right to kiss, insult or ignore her.

She still had to blink to suppress a few angry tears, advancing into the darkness of the forrest.

*****

“That is correct, Mrs Granger. Five points for Gryffindor”, Professor Vektor praised.

Seeing as the only other students that had Arithmancy were in Slytherin and Rawenclaw, none of them really enjoyed Hermione's reward. Draco even leaned over to his seatmate and loudly whispered something unmistakably mocking her.

“Mr Malfoy, is there something you want to share with the class ?” The Professor barked at him. It wasn't the first time he had interrupted with his constant need to communicate, so naturally she was already a bit displeased.

“This has been going on long enough. I'm afraid I must separate you from Mr Zabini. Please switch places with Miss Turpin, before we begin with the partner work.”  
Hermione was gloating at Malfoy finally getting told off until she realized, that she was seated next to Lisa Turpin. The Rawenclaw girl had already picked up her things and walked to the front, were she took Malfoy's seat.

He looked furious, when he dropped his heavy notes a bit to forcefully as the Professor continued: “Very well. Now please open your books at page one hundred and twenty four and start working so solve the first five problems of continuity with your seatmate. You have thirty minutes.”

It turned out that they were actually really good at working together, as long as they talked about nothing else Arithmancy.

But of course, that didn't last very long. “Hey Granger, remember when you slapped me in the face for no reason and never apologized ?” Draco smirked, using the general noise of the others working to provoke her.

“Hey Malfoy, remember when you were being a total prick that deserved it?” she snapped and as Professor Vektor walked past them, continued through clenched teeth. “I guess it's a bit like with the third rule of continuity. Your actions have consequences. You had it coming.”

Malfoy chuckled: “I would argue against that. With the fifth rule, paradoxically stating that consequences are the symptom of chance and actions are always arbitrary and subjective.”

Hermione didn't want to be impressed, so she was angry instead. “Quit jabbering nonsense, Malfoy and let's keep working, I want to get this done as quickly as possible, so I'll be rid of you”, she hissed, forcefully stuffing her stubborn locks behind her ears.

“Your pretty when your pissed at me,” he said lowly, clearly hoping to make her uncomfortable. Hermione tried to ignore him by staring at her book, but her cheeks were burning and he didn't look away.

“Stop it", she muttered with none of the authority she wished for. He slided a little closer, grinning with fake innocence: “Stop what?”

Hermione was saved from answering, by Professor Vektor rushing over to them, to inspect their notes. “Mr Malfoy, Miss Granger – are you making any progress ?”

*****

The gaggle of girls giggled at Viktor Krum and Hermione sighed. She was trying to work. But it was made impossible, because of Krum's fan club that was very noisily drooling over him.

She would inform them that this was a library, not a mating ground – but she didn't think that would help much. It wasn't the first time she had seen Krum lurking around between the shelves. He was probably working on solving that riddle to complete the second round of the triwizard tournament, in contrast to Harry who was content resting on his laurels from succeeding the first task. It made Hermione worry endlessly, but Harry didn't listen to her and Ron - reckless as ever - encouraged him to enjoy his break.

Suddenly she was pulled out of pondering the idiocy of her friends by the looming shadow of Viktor Krum. He had come over, to awkwardly stand in front of her table. Behind him she could see his fan club trowing her scornful looks.

“Erm, can I help you ?” She asked after a ten seconds of painful silence.  
“My name is Viktor Krum”, he unnecessarily and somewhat shyly introduced himself. It made her smile involuntarily and she extended a hand to him: “Hermione Granger.” He returned her smile and after a short hesitation sat down next to her, eying his hands.

“I am sorry, if this seems forvard Hermowninny – but I vonted to ask you, if you vould like to come to the Yule Ball.” He made a small, self-conscious pause and looked up. “Vith me, I mean.”

A warm, fuzzy feeling spread in her stomach and she felt herself blush a bit.  
“I-... yes. Yes, that would be lovely.”

It was than that she noticed someone glare at her, that wasn't making moony eyes at Viktor Krum all day.

Draco Malfoy was sitting across from her, half hidden behind about twenty books and appearing to be ready to murder. She just raised an condescending eyebrow at him and brightly smiled at her Yule Ball date.

*****

Ron was acting like a crude buffoon. Just because he had not managed to ask her to go with him to the ball, he seemed determined to ruin the whole night for her. Harry was no help, seeing as he was too busy staring at Cho Chang.

Thankfully Viktor was a restrained but charming date, that made it easy to forget all about Ron's childish antics and they had a great time.

It been a beautiful night, not even Ron's bad manners and Draco Malfoy's very obnoxiously public drool swapping with Pansy Parkinson had been able to ruin it. After she and Viktor had grown tired of dancing, he offered to go outside to cool down and get some fresh air. Hermione gladly agreed.

They wandered through a labyrinth of glowing rosebushes, that seemed somewhat impossible considering that it was December. But the fairies nesting between the flowers gave away the magical nature of the garden. Sitting on a small stone bench next to a increasingly nervous Viktor, Hermoine broke the silence. “I had a great time tonight.” She said quietly not able to hide her smile, as Viktor carefully took her hand. Her heart began to pound a faster and she hoped her palms weren't sweaty.

“You are very beautiful, Harmowniny.” Hermione refrained from interrupting him to explain the correct pronunciation of her name again. It just wasn't the moment. And she kind of wanted him to go on. “And very smart, ve can talk. It's not like vith all the others.”

She beamed, to flustered to say something. Somehow she knew he was going to kiss her.

He was nervously looking from her eyes to her lips. Than he slowly cupped her face with his free hand, the other one still intertwined with hers between them. It was very soft and gentle. His lips felt warm and inviting.

After a while, they carefully opened up to each other until they were full on making out. But still the kiss felt very chaste and sweet.

When they separated they were both grinning. A fairy flying over their heads giggled, and through some glitter at them. Somehow it wasn't corny – just perfect.

They separated at the castle door with a second, shorter kiss. Hermione watched him disappear in the direction of the lake, to the ship were the Durmstrang students slept. When he was no longer visible in the dark, she allowed herself a little girly twirl.

Hermione still felt warm and giddy inside. It was new, so – so nice. She had been on a real date!  
With a nice, smart and interesting guy that fancied her and wasn't afraid to show it. Nothing and no one would be able to taint this memory for her now.

But a few steps later, as if the universe was determined to prove her wrong, she stumbled upon a certain blonde Slytherin.

He was leaning against the corridor wall – staring dead ahead, a bottle filled with suspicious brown liquid in his fist. Draco hadn't noticed her yet, so she shortly contemplated sneaking away. But something about his disheveled appearance made her halt. He looked so forlorn, downright miserable. Maybe if their positions were switched he would act differently, but Hermoine just couldn't turn her back on him in this state.

“Are you alright ?”, she cautiously asked, advancing. At that his head snapped up and he fixated her with alarmingly bloodshot eyes.  
“Where is your new boyfriend ?” he slurred viciously, clearly having consumend more than butterbeer. “Got sick of you already ?”

Hermione tried hard to remember her good intentions and took a deep breath. “Your drunk. Maybe you should go to your chambers.” The careful consideration in her tone didn't seem to work.

“Fuck you, Granger.” Draco suddenly spat, abruptly rounding in on her. “ _Fuck you._ Fuck your pity, and fuck your stupid eyes and your face, looking at me like I'm a-... _just,_ just fuck you.”

“I don't have to put up with this.” She hissed, forgetting all about helping. He was clearly a lost cause. So she whirled around and marched away. But he leaped after her, holding onto her arm.

When she threw him a angry look over her shoulder, his expression had changed. His eyes were wide and pleading. “Don't go. I- didn't mean … just”, he whispered desperately hiccuping. Hermione tore aways her arm to push her index finger into his chest.

“Listen carefully, Draco Malfoy.” She scolded, picking at him again. “I am not yours to insult, nor am I obliged to help you. We are not friends. All you ever do, is mock and ridicule me, as soon as there are other people around. I am sick and tried of you whole goddamn arrogant act. So turn around, go to bed and sleep off your inebriation. Before you something you'll regret.”

“Like kiss you?” He said, staring at her lips. Something in her knotted uncomfortably.

“Don't.” She gasped, as he crowded her against a wall. She didn't want this. Now that she knew how a nice, normal kiss should go down, Draco drunkenly advancing made her wary. Still her heart was pounding and her stomach clenching.

But then he suddenly started to laugh – loud and cruel. “As if I were interested in snogging a _mudblood_ like you.”

She wanted to push him away face heating up, but he only swayed a little and just kept on talking.

“Although, you would probably let me. Since you put out for everyone now.” She gasped again, this time rage boiling in her veins, as Draco continued mercilessly. “Saw you basically eating his face in the bushes, that was horrifying. You should really work on your technique, Granger.”

“Go to hell.” She responded, attempting push him again. He was being a hypocrite, considering his sloppy shows of affection with that Parkinson cow, but Hermione was not going to stoop to his level and remind him.

“I would rather stay right here”, he mumbled, dropping his heavy head on her shoulder. All while still keeping her prisoner between his body, the wall and his arms. He smelt like sweat and liquor.

“Stop it, okay ?” She tried to wiggle away, but he was stronger. Than he slowly started mouthing along her neck and then jawline. His fingers roughly digging into her waist, wandering downwards.

Malfoy was actually trying to kiss her, but with more force and none of the consent than Viktor had.

“GET OFF ME!” She repeated, this time screaming. She tried to free herself with new energy. Finally he let go, but still blocked the way out with his slightly shaking body.

Hot tears were running down her cheeks, surely smearing her elaborate make-up.

“You disgusting prick”, she spat, hitting every bit of his chest she could aim at with her uncontrollable fist. “YOU TOTAL ASSHOLE! Like I would ever want you to –“, at a loss of what she didn't want him to do, she interrupted herself and stumbled backwards.

He hadn't moved, just stared lifelessly at his feet. After a few calming breath she saw, he was still suspicious limp and unresponsive. With a last repulsed glare in his direction, she pushed past him and hurried up to her common room.

Right into the arms of a grumpy Ron, looking for another fight.

*****

The gossip hit it's peak right after Viktor had saved her from the lake in the second task and Rita Skeeter published an article painting Hermione as a calculating maneater. Somehow she had nothing else to report, so she liked to slut-shame fifteen year old girls. It was crystal clear that that women was a sad, pathetic individual. 

Still Hermione would give anything to know how exactly Skeeter found out, that Viktor had invited her to come visit him over the summer. If she could only prove that that horrible person was doing something illegal.

She had also started to avoid all Slytherins at all coast, seeing as they tended to gleefully read her articles aloud whenever they saw her. It wasn't that it  bothered her that much, seeing herself above their childish taunting. But she still went out of their way in order of sparing her poor nerves. Most of all, Draco Malfoy. Although she didn't want to see him for a different reason.

After what had happened in the night of the Yule Ball, he had very obviously atemptted to talk to her a couple of times, but she had always turned on her heels and walked away, whenever he had approached her in an empty corridor.

Sadly they were still sitting next to each other in Arithmancy. She tended to pretend he wasn't there. Her unwillingness to talk to him, didn't stop him of course.

As everyone else was busy working, he leaned over: “Look, I just want to-...”

“Save it Malfoy, I don't care.” Hermione interrupted him as muted as her temper allowed.  
“Hear me out, for Merlins sake!” he hissed. _“I want to apologize.”_

Startled, Hermione interrupted her scribbling. She hadn't expected that.  
“Honestly ? I didn't know that word was even in your vocabulary.”

“Well,” he chuckled bitterly, “you don't have a very high opinion of me, do you ?”

“Can you blame me ?” She shot back. He just shrugged. They continued working in silence.


	2. I Found

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There it is. Finally - a week and 15 minutes late. But there you go.

**1995**

  _"And I found love where it wasn't supposed to be. Right in front of me. Talk some sense to me."_ \- I Found, Amber Rund

Spending the summer in the headquarters of the Order of the Phoenix, wasn't as exciting as one would think. They were mostly just scrubbing and cleaning the old house. Hermione had feared that with Voldemort returned, everything would have fallen into chaos, but the whole wizarding world was in denial and nothing happened. Nothing at all. Important and very secretive people walked in and out of the Grimmauldplace, but Hermione and the Weasley siblings were never told anything. She had been there for three weeks with absolute no change happening. Her short week in Bulgaria had certainly been more eventful.

Hermione had taken Viktor up on his offer and visited him in his home. Of course he had been an excellent, if naturally grumpy host. Seeing as he lived in a little wizarding village, away from any big civilizations, they had mostly wandered around in the breathtaking countryside.

She had talked about the fragile situation in England a lot and even though he hadn't been able to contribute much, he was a great listener. It had been lovely to see him again and she had enjoyed herself very much. Which was something she hadn't expected, considering the current state of affairs. On the forth evening she had lost her virginity to him.  
It had been sort awkward and a bit painful, but ultimately very lovely. Viktor had been sweet and careful with her and she had felt safe. They slept together three times over the next days. It was nicer with each time. Still she strangely wasn't very sad, when she departed from Bulgaria.  
On the way back to England, she realized that while she was very fond of him and didn't regret the sex, she didn't have any deeper feelings for Viktor Krum.  
Which was a relieve, considering she had no interest in the drama of an long-distance relationship anyway. Hermione also decided not to tell the Weasley's about her little adventure. Because she already knew how they would react. Ginny would freak out and pester her for every little, private detail. Ron would just pout and possibly be mean and jealous.

After six more eventless days, Hermione was happy to see Harry, even though the circumstances of his arrival in the headquarters were less than ideal. A nice side effect of his presence was also, that things finally started to happen. Although when the holidays ended, Hermione was anxious to finally get back to Hogwarts and learn important new defensive charms in this dangerous times.

*****

Umbridge's teaching methods were laughable, bordering on dangerously ignorant. Hermione immediately realized as much.

And after their first lesson in Defense Against the Dark Arts, if it could even still be called that, she was brooding in the library how to make that old toad teach them some useful magic. Meanwhile she completely forgot the time, until she was thrown out by an fuming Mrs Pierce. Hastily she headed to the Gryffindor tower to share her thoughts with Harry and Ron, when she collided with someones chest.

Draco was grinning down on her, hands unnecessarily grabbing her waist to stabilize them. She stepped back, glaring.

“Hello Granger, didn't see you there”, he smiled suspiciously chipper. An exasperated huff escaped her. _He always saw her._ That was the only thing she was certain of about him. And maybe it was also his most annoying attribute.

“Then watch were you're going next time.” Hermione really wasn't in the mood for his insulting attempts at normal conversation. Or any interaction with him really. They mostly left her confused or – even worse – hurt. And Hermione couldn't confide in anyone about his bordering on bipolar actions towards her, because her friends and everyone she knew – hated him. So the whole thing would just be upsetting, even though it was technically nothing.

“I can't make that promise.” Malfoy smirked and than pointed at her shoulder, waggling his eyebrows. “Nice badge, by the way. I guess I'll be seeing you in the shared prefects bathrooms ?”

“You're a pig, Malfoy.” She scoffed. But he just gasped in feigned horror, pretending to be scandalized: “ _Oh my_ , such crude language, Miss Granger. I was merely insinuating a polite encounter. You should get that huge brain of yours out of the gutter!”

Hermione crossed her arms, unimpressed. “Are you done ?”  
He grinned, biting his lip rather distractingly. “With you ? Never.”

Suddenly she noticed how attractive he had become over the summer. With his loose blond hair and relaxed smile. Hermoine tried to bury that thought immediately.

It was not only embarrassing, but also stupid. Draco Malfoy was certainly not attractive. He was an annoying pest and a real pain in her arse.

As if he had read her mind though, he smiled a little brighter. It kind of made her want to punch him in his shiny teeth. Why were they so white, surely he didn't floss them ? She had to stop that cringeworthy train of thinking. It was none of her business wether or not Malfoy flossed.

Honestly, she should just go to sleep. Clearly she was overtired.

“Did you have a nice holidays?” he asked suddenly, as if asking that was a thing they did.  
“I didn't realize we were on small-talk-terms.” Hermoine stated, increasingly wary. He was up to something. Experience had taught her, that he always was.

“There is a first time for everything, Granger. This could be the beginning of a long and beautiful, small-talk friendship.” He grinned gleefully. That was enough, Hermoine was not going to be mocked by him. Whatever had put him in such a good mood to see her, it had to stop.

“You do realize that Lord Voldemort is back and Harry saw your Death Eater father on the cemetery when he came back? And in case you have forgotten, I _am muggle born_.” The last part burst out of her sounding more frustrated, than she would have expected. She attempted a calmer tone. “Which puts us at opposite sides of a beginning war. Not exactly ground for blossoming small-talk buddies, don't you think ?”

At least that managed to wipe the easy smile of his face. Without giving him a chance to retort, Hermoine continued her way up, enjoying her triumph.

 *****

Dumbledore's army was a success. And it filled Hermoine with an almost sick satisfaction that they were subverting that horrible hag. She gleefully ate her Sunday breakfast, thinking about mastering a very difficult defensive charm in the last lesson.

And she was already working on a new plan. After solving the riddle of Rita Skeeters illegal scoop acquiring, she had an acknowledged journalist in her palm. Hermione was going to use that, to finally get Harry's story through to the public, without the ministry filtering the truth.

With a glance over to the Slytherin tables she made sure that Malfoy was still in the middle of eating, before slipping away. In the last weeks, he had made a habit of “coincidentally” running into her. And smiling way to much.

Even though his attempts at friendly conversation had become less genuinely cheerful and more desperate, with every time she snubbed them.

It was frankly getting ridiculous. Hermoine had no need for his passive-aggressive politeness. She figured that it was his new tactic to drive her crazy. And sadly it was working. Because she knew for fact, he hadn't genuinely changed. That much was obvious. He was still only nice to her, when there were no witnesses. And he was unwaveringly vile to her friends and he also continued terrorized everyone around him like the same entitled prat, he had been since first grade. Maybe even worse now that he had the power of a prefect. All in all, she really didn't see any reason to engage in any kind of interaction with him.

Planning to take a long, hot bath before starting on her homework, Hermoine wandered upstairs to the prefect bathrooms. After Malfoy had made that comment about possibly meeting her here, she had become extra careful. She had no intentions of ever letting him see her naked. He would probably consider talking about the shape of her butt an acceptable small-talk topic.  
She could already imagine his smug analysis of her body. Very lively.

Even though she did her best to avoid him, he still managed to intercept her a lot. At least once or twice a week. And there were also still sitting next to each other in Arithmancy, were he constantly tried to engage her in conversation in a very obnoxious fashion. The lessons had become two hours of pure torture. Hermoine had repeatedly asked to be seated elsewhere, but Professor Vektor insisted that they worked together way to brilliantly. It was infuriating.

Trying not to at least not spend her rare moment of solitude and relaxation obsessing over him, Hermoine slid into the bathtub and closed her eyes.

Forty-five-minutes of daydreaming and heavenly bubble bathing later, she contently toweled herself off, as she heard someone loudly say the password in font of the door. Not just someone, _it was him._

Quickly and with a raising pulse, she grabbed all her stuff and threw herself behind a room divider that would shield her from his curious eyes. She disappeared, just as Draco came strutting in, seemingly in deep thought and began undressing. Hermoine only than realized, that hiding might have not been the best strategy. For now she was the one inappropriate creep, watching him strip. But it was too late. Making him aware of her presence now, would already be awkward.

She should look away at least, but somehow she wasn't able to tear her eyes aways. He was as lean, but his muscles were more defined than his wide ropes let one to believe and his skin looked impossible smooth in the soft light. As he swiftly removed his boxers, Hermoine felt her breath hitch and her cheeks heat up. Hopefully in shame and not something else. Quickly she pressed her eyes shut. She didn't want to think about his dick, although that was kind of difficult considering that it's image was burned into her head.

Suppressing a guilty whimper, she cowered done and endured the endless time Draco took, to clean himself. She only dared to come out of her hiding spot fifteen minutes after he had left.

*****

Hermoine left the _Three Broomsticks_ next to Harry, grinning widely.

The interview with Rita Skeeter had been an going even better than planned, and with a little luck the article would reach a lot of people. Still giddy over achievement, she kissed Harry on the cheek as a goodbye and marched in the direction of the owlery, intending to send her parents a long letter. As a sudden hand grabbed her and pulled her in a small, very dim back alley.

“This is the last straw, Malfoy!” she squealed as she recognized her abductor. “You simply cannot drag me into some shady corner like an old goat, just to socialize!”

“Oh quit bitching, Granger it makes you very unappealing”, he snarled apparently dropping his polite act for good. He looked downright pissed off now. Hermoine crossed her arms. “What earns me the pleasure of your delighting company then ?”

“Just wanted to ask if you seriously met with _Potter_ on Valentines Day.” He mirrored her stance, crossing his arms and hostily staring at her. “And here I thought you had at least a shed of self esteem. Or maybe a splinter of good taste.”

Hermoine couldn't hold back a laugh, as she finally understood his problem. It didn't make him very happy how amused she was, but she just couldn't help it. This whole thing was just surreal.

“You're _jealous_.” she giggled. “Oh Merlin, this is too good”, her amusement died immediately, as he grabbed her arms rather forcefully and pushed her into the dirty wall of the next shed.

“Don't. Fucking. Laugh.” He pressed out between his teeth, looking ready to kill.

“Honestly Malfoy, what else should I do?” she asked, calming down a bit. “And, by the way – I don't have to justify myself to you, seeing as I don't owe you anything and there is nothing between us accept maybe mutual dislike.”

“Your such a hypocrite!” He growled, grabbing her wrists even harder. “There has always been something. And I know you feel it too.”

“I really don't. So let me go, before I start screaming.” She spit back at him, refusing to think about his words. She was afraid there might be more truth to them, than she wanted there to be. There was a reason she had never told anyone about their encounters over the years. A reason it had always felt more private, more like secret. _Like she had something to hide._

To her horror, instead of backing off, he raised one hand and very slowly and deliberately stroked her cheek. It made her skin tingle and her pathetic heart flutter.

 _“Remember when we kissed in the third grade ?”_ He whispered softly, somewhere next to her head.

He had now released both her hands, to put his own on her waist and neck. Hermione felt like her whole body had turned to jelly.

“That wasn't even a real-... ” she huffed a bit breathless, “I would really just call that an accidental brushing of jaws.” She felt herself jitter, buzzing with strange anticipation. Draco chuckled into her ear, it made shivers run down her spine. With a low mumble, he asked: “Well, would you like me to try again than ?”

She didn't dare to say it out load, didn't want it to become real. So she only nodded.

They approached each other almost gingerly, like to distrustful animals. But as their lips met, the lost all caution and the kiss quickly got demanding. Draco buried his hands deeply in her locks, and Hermione couldn't hold back a small whimper as he deliberately scraped his nails over her scalp.

Next to some garbage bins in a dirty alley, they made out until it was almost dark.

As they separated, Draco looked flustered and breathless and she knew that her lips were swollen and her hair a mess. Hermione didn't want to leave the bubble that had formed around them and accept the fact that she had just snogged Draco Malfoy. Therefore she quickly fixed her disheveled rope. She wanted to flee, before he had the opportunity to say something cruel and ruin it.

But as she made to leave, he carefully held on to her elbow.  
“We should do this again some time.” He said, smiling without any trace of mockery.

An unreasonable warmth spread in her and she looked so he wouldn't see her blush.

“Yeah, maybe.”

*****

Hermione still hadn't come to terms with what happened in Hogsmead. But one thing was for sure. No one could ever find out. Especially not Harry and Ron. They would probably kill Draco and never talk to Hermione again. She shivered, only imagining their reaction.

The only thing that kept her from completely freaking out, was the knowledge that Draco would never ever admit to making out with a mudblood, Harry Potters best friend at that. And even though it wasn't a great feeling to be someones secret shame, she preferred in this particular situation.

She was anxiously biting her nails on her way to the Arithmancy classroom. They hadn't met since Valentines Day and she had no idea who he would behave towards her. Expecting the worst, she entered the room her bag shielding her chest, as he would through literal daggers at her at sight. He did no such thing.

Probably because he wasn't there yet.

Still tense she sat down, pulling out her books. In the last minute before the lesson started, he slipped into the room. It earned him a stern look from the Professor. Draco was breathing heavily as let himself fall onto the chair next to her, but he still managed to grace her with a bright smile.

Hermoine might have preferred daggers. At least they hadn't felt like a supernova between her rips.

“Hey there,” he whispered into her ear, as Professor Vektor started explaining new complicated forms. Hermione had lost all control over her facial muscle, simpering at him. It was embarrassing, honestly. “Hey back”, she retorted sheepishly.

“You will use the the _Chaldean Method_ to deceiver the scenarios you can see on the board. Please work alone. In the end of this lesson, I aspect the finished codes on parchment by Thursday.”

They spend the rest of the lesson in concentrated silence, while exchanging occasional glances, when they thought other one wasn't looking. As the rest of the students cleared out at the end, Draco took his time.

“Err, see you next week”, Hermione mumbled ready to leave.

“I have a problem with the solving my codes,” he suddenly said looking around the empty room, staring at everything but her. “Maybe you could help me ?”

“Right ... now ?” She asked thinking about her next class starting in ten minutes.

He shrugged. “Yeah.”

Relenting – who was she to deny help to a struggling classmate – Hermione took his notes, skimming them. They were impressively accurate. “I don't see a problem, looks like you-”, she began as he pressed his lips against hers, effectively shutting her up.

It very quickly became more than chaste, and between kisses she remarked a bit breathless: “You don't even have a Arithmancy problem, do you ?” He grinned, mouthing along her jawline. “Nope.”

Soft sunlight broke through the large windows, making the dust around them glitter and Hermione felt almost dizzy with content. It was as if the classroom had become a save space, a nest were they could forget who they were and just be. There was only warmth.

They broke apart ten minutes later. Draco made her wait, exiting first. It turned the butterflies in her stomach into snakes, knowing he did that so they wouldn't be seen leaving together. Reality came rushing back like cold water.

She liked a guy that not only had barley ever been nice to her, but was also ashamed of her very existence. And than it hit her with a unknown force. _She actually liked Draco Malfoy_. Fancied him. Wanted to be kissed by him, wanted him to hold her hand. It was a catastophe.

*****

The article in the Quibbler hit the school like a bomb. And ever since Umbridge unwisely banned the magazine, every single student had read it. Hermoine couldn't stop smiling triumphantly for two days straight.

Although her joy ended very abruptly, when she was dragged behind a library shelf by a furious Draco. Before she could even criticize his repeated rude ways of getting in touch, she was silenced by the intensive rage in his bright eyes.

“How could you do this to me Granger ?” He spat at her. Hermoine was at a loss. What was even his problem? As far as she knew, she hadn't done anything.

Except maybe sometimes look at him in class. Had she been too obvious ? Had someone figured out that she had a massive, embarrassing crush on Draco Malfoy ? Did the whole school already gossip about how pathetic she was ? What did Harry and Ron hear ?

“I don't know what you mean”, she defended herself, alarmed. Draco laughed dryly and with no real amusement. “Oh please. The article ? You don't expect me to think that Potter has managed to get his bullshit published, without you holding the threads!”

She still didn't understand. But she was relived that it had nothing to do with them. And surely he wasn't such an Umbridge fan, that he was this upset about Hermoine scoring on that hag. “And ?”

“And ?! He named my father as a Death Eater ?!” Draco almost yelled, as the penny finally dropped. “Do you realize what my parents are going through right now ?”

No matter how upset Draco was, Hermione just couldn't find it in her heart to feel sorry for Mr and Mrs Malfoy, considering everything they had done to deserve the backlash. And it wasn't even as if they were in legal trouble, considering that the minster was still purposely oblivious.

Therefore she thought that Draco was considerably overreacting. He was probably just angry because he – for the first time in his life – had to endure the displeasure and contemptuous looks of the other students. It was taste of his own medicine if anything, and Hermoine didn't support him being such a wuss about it.

So she just shrugged. “Sounds like your problem to me.”

He tore through his blonde hair, seeming on the verge of exploding: “I can't fucking believe that I wasted my time being nice, polite and-... all year I was basically a goddamn, stinking Gryffindor to you, and the first opportunity you get, _you fucking stab me in the back!_ ”

She had to stifle a laugh at his behavior. He was acting like the world had ended, just because a few Hufflepuffs were giving him the stinky eye.

“Stop being so dramatic. Everything in that article was the truth. I did nothing wrong.” She stubbornly insisted. For a second she was afraid he would actually hit her. But then he took a step back, breathing heavily: “We are _done,_ Granger. Just so you know.”

“Fine by me.” She bit out, feeling her stomach knot.  
“Great.”  
“Awesome.”  
“Marvelous”, he snarled and rushed away, ears still a little pink.


	3. Already Gone

**1996**

_"I didn't want us to burn out,_ _I didn't come here to hurt you, now I can't stop."_ \- Already Gone, Sleeping At Last _  
_

 

“Where is Harry ?” Ron asked his sister, who was standing next to them on the almost empty train station near Hogsmead.

“I last saw him, after we left Slughorn's weird dinner party compartment. He just pulled out his stupid cloak and disappeared.” Ginny said with a concerned crease between her eyebrows.

“Why would he do that?” Ron sounded miserable, but Hermione suspected that he wasn't really worried about Harry's absence. He just wanted to get to the welcome feast, as quick as possible.

“I think he followed that guy from Slytherin. Blaise Zabini.” Ginny continued. “But I honestly don't get why he would do that.”

“That doesn't make any sense.” Ron moaned, shooting the castle a longing glance. His stomach grumbled. Hermione resisted the urge to roll her eyes at him. Zabini must have gone back to the Slytherin compartment. Back to the others, were they would no doubt talk freely with each other.

“Yes. It does.” She mumbled, silently cursing Harry. Ever since they had witnessed his mysterious shopping trip at Borgin and Burks, he was convinced that Draco Malfoy had become a Death Eater. Not only did Hermoine believe that was his the stupidest conspiracy theory yet, she had also no interest in spending any time discussing it. And even though she repeatedly tried to make him shut up about it, she was somehow forced to listen to her best friend going on and on about the one person, she never wanted to talk about again.

Last year - after Draco had confronted her about the article - things had only gotten worse. His nasty behavior towards her had reached its peak, when he had become a member of that ridiculous Inquisitorial Squad and extracted house points from her, just for being a mudblood. It had been horrible. She had constantly felt so angry, yet helpless. Her only consolation was that no one knew how incredible foolish she had been, that she had tricked herself into believing he was more that just a spoiled brat, even for a second. Remembering that she had let herself be touched, kissed by him was excruciating. And the worst thing had been that whenever he was spouting viscous things and mocking her and her friends, she was forced to remember those same lips on hers.

To survive the rest of the fifth year, she had made herself to pretend that nothing had ever happened between them. And she consequently ignored everything even remotely connected to him.

But Harry seemed determined to make Draco a topic. And now he had probably followed Zabini to eavesdrop on the Slytherins and prove his ridiculous suspicion. That he hadn't returned yet, was a bad sign. And so was Draco's obvious absence. Hermione knew he was still on the train, because she had watched the other six year Slytherins getting into a carriage ten minutes ago. Draco hadn't been with them.

“You two should head up to the feast, I'll try to find him.” She said grimly, pulling out her wand. Ginny looked like she wanted to protest, but Ron grabbed her arm pulling her towards the huffing Thestrals.

“If you insist. We will save you a seat.” His sister hissed at him, shooting Hermione a undecided glance.

“Are you sure you don't need help ? Maybe we should all-... ” she began, but Ron was apparently ready for murder, if she continued to attempt to separate him and the chicken that waited for him in the great hall.

“It'salright Ginny, I think I know were he is. We will catch up with you guys in the school.” Hermione smiled, trying to convey that there was no danger. She didn't want them to stay.

“Fine.” She finally relented and let herself be dragged away. As they drove of, Hermione turned around she faced the almost empty train station. A few giggling Hufflepuffs walked past her, then she was the last person on the platform. She took a deep breath.

But just as she was about to reenter the train, she spotted him. Draco was leaving the Hogwarts Express alone, looking pale and awfully smug. When he saw her, the triumphant grin in his face froze. Hermione crossed her arms, stepping into his way.

“What were you doing in there so long ?” She asked, trying to sound collected. Her heart was beating in her throat.

It was pathetic. Last year it had been easier to just be angry, seeing as he had acted like the biggest buffoon in wizarding history. But something had changed over the summer. Even if she had tried to pretend he didn't exist, she couldn't resist reading the prophet, staring at the photograph on the front page. MALFOY CONNVITED one had claimed, showing Lucius Malfoy in chains, his wife and son with stony features next to him. The ministry had displayed the case very publicly, trying to set a sign of strength and justice, to calm down the panic that was rising since Voldemort's return. It had been painful, how small and lost Draco had appeared in the fotos. And even though she had no reason to feel bad for what had happened in the ministry, seeing as Mr Malfoy had tried to kill her and her friends, but she still felt responsible for his sons pain. She knew him well enough, to understand that his family and their pristine reputation were very important, if not essential to his life. Having his father taken from him in such a public and humiliating way must be crushing. And it really wasn't his fault, that his father had made wrong life choices. Children should never have to bare the consequences of their parents actions.

So it was guilt that made him stay in her head, made her cut out the foto and hide it in her favorite book on her nightstand. But that wasn't the real reason her heart was betraying her, fluttering just at the sight of him like a little bird. 

She wasn't enough of a hypocrite to not admit to herself, that no matter how much she wished she could hate him, there was still a part of her, that cared. She just hoped that he couldn't read it on her face, as he gave her one of his horrible, condescending smiles. “I don't think its any of your business what I am doing, Granger.” Her cheeks felt warm, but she didn't budge.

“Where is Harry ?” Hermione askes and Draco laughed, humorless. His eyes were cold, colder than they had ever been when looking at her. It made her stomach knot painfully. He had always been mean, but this was different somehow. It was as if he was completely gone. As if the lights behind his eyes had vanished and he was nothing more but a shell. What happened to you ? 

"How should I know, I am not his keeper.” He said, giving her a vicious grin. “I am not the one that his constantly drooling over him, worshiping his every step. That's your job.” She crossed her arms, feeling her old familiar temper raise.

“What is that supposed mean?” She hissed. “That you are Potters slut.” He said calmly, knowing how revolted she was by his crudeness. She felt her cheeks heat up, heat biting her skin like fire. She wanted to hit him, more than ever before. Her flat hand flew towards him, but he caught her wrist with an unexpected ease.

Hermione felt her whole body shiver in hatred for the boy in front of her and even more for herself. How could she care for such an vile, arrogant prick? Why had she missed him so much, when all he ever did was insult her? Was she really this weak, that she let him push her around like this? _Maybe she wanted to be treated like this, maybe she was the depraved one._

Suddenly his touch made her sick, just as much as the malicious emptiness of his stare. And to her horror, she felt tears well in her eyes. She should be mad, scream and kick at him, hex him to the moon. But instead she just felt helpless again. Helpless and hurt.

“You disgusting-...”, she sniffed trying to free arm from his relentless fingers. He pulled her closer to observe her better in the darkness of the deserted train station. Hermione turned her head away, to at least save herself the humiliation of him seeing the tears, that were know dropping down her face. Long fingers brushed her chin, turning her face back to him. His touch was gentle, and it made her crumble how much she wanted him to hold on. To her surprise, he didn't instantly mock her. For the first time there was something resembling real feelings in his eyes.

“Are you crying ?” His looked stunned and his sounded voice bewildered.

“No.” She hissed with all the indignation she could muster up, drying the wetness with the back of her free hand.

“Do you- do you still-...” he began slowly, but was interrupted by a loud squeaking as the Hogwarts Express was set back into motion. Hermione stared at it, the noise pulling her outside of her state of apathy and dread. Draco took a step back, letting go of her arm. There was bruise forming, were he had held onto her. How fitting. He had schooled his features back into an obnoxious grin.

“Well, I don't know about you Granger, but I am taking that last carriage up to castle. If you want too walk, be my guest.” He said, laced with his usual conceited tone, and than left her standing there looking after the train. For a moment she was frozen, but then blood came back into her brain, and her muscles started moving. She had no intention of walking, and there was no way that the train would take of, with someone still on board, which meant that Harry must have already past her. Without so much as a single glance in Draco's direction, she climbed into the abort the stuffy cabin. He snickered quietly, but she just looked out of the window, praying for self control.

“I cannot believe you were actually blubbering, just now”, he was gloating, staring at her from the other side of the dimly lit cabin. Hermione tried to ignore him, balling her fist so violently that she was sure her nails would leave bloody traces in her palms. She was better than this, she was stronger. He should not have the power to influence her, to provoke her. She wouldn't give him that satisfaction. At least not more than she already had. Apparently picking up on her intent to dismiss him, he got up and sat down next to her practically radiating smug. She felt herself tense up, but tried not to give any indication of her distress. “

You know, I never understood your obsession with Potter”, he said unable to pronounce Harry's name without obvious loathing. Hermione pretended to be deaf. It made no sense to indulge him – that would only end with Draco throwing more vulgar things at her.“But I guess no that he is the _Chosen One_ ,” he continued jeering bitterly, “it's only a matter of time until you spread your legs for him.” She felt the air pressed out of lungs at his obscenity, but he just kept talking. “You've always been fucking hungry for the fame – even back when you threw yourself at Krum.”

Hermione had pulled out her wand so quickly, she barley realized what she was doing herself. Her head was blank and empty, all the rage and hurt washed away by a cold clarity. He might be able to break her with one vicious sentence, he may know how to hurt more than anyone else, but when it came to actual magic, he had no chance against her. They both knew that.

With the tip of her weapon aimed directly between his eyes, he was frozen. Hermione didn't recognize her own voice, when she spoke.

“One more word, and I will blast you out of this carriage.” She was done with letting him abuse her. All these years she had tolerated way to much from Draco Malfoy. He had gone to far this time. “Do you understand me ?” She spat at him, until he slowly nodded – still taxing her wand. It was very satisfying to finally shut him up. Hermione wanted more. “Apologize.” She ordered.

He raised an eyebrow at her, but clearly didn't dare to make one of his condescending comments, not willing to risk being blown up like a firebug. When he finally relented, it looked almost painful as he pressed out a sorry between his teeth. She lowered her wand, just as they stopped in front of the gates of the entrance hall. He scrambled up and jumped outside.

At the door, he turned around – his knuckles white around the handle. There was a unexpected shadow of a laugh etched into his white face.

“Fuck." He breathed, staring at her face. "I missed you.” He said and with that he left her behind, feeling like a deflated balloon.

*********

Christmas was approaching and Hermione was miserable. Ron and Lavender were sucking face were ever she went, making it very clear that she had lost him to a shallow cow. She had been so stupid to think, than she and Ron might be a little more than friends.

For a short moment, it had been wonderful to imagine herself with Ron, kissing in public, holding hands. Being with someone that actually liked her and didn't think she was less worth than filth under his shoe. Of course it had turned out that Ron was giant buffoon and Hermione was doomed to like boys that treated her with unreasonable cruelty.

Harry was no help either, to busy with Dumbledore and his knew found talent in potions to distract her. But the worst part of her predicament was, that even if Hermione tried really hard to ignore a certain blonde Slytherin for the sake of her own sanity, she couldn't help but notice that he didn't look happy. He certainly had become more quite, even refraining from pushing people around and waltzing through the school like he owned it. It was very unlike Malfoy. Hermione guessed that the scrutiny of his father being send to Askaban were taken a bigger toll on him, now that he was surrounded by the other students. She caught herself watching him at breakfast and in the corridors. Although she chastised Harry for obsessing over Malfoy, she lay awake thinking about him more than once. _I missed you, I missed you_ – and _slut, slut, slut_ where constantly echoing in her head. She hadn't talked to him under four eyes since that carriage ride and the logic part of her brain insisted, that it was better this way. Only in the darkest hours of the night she admitted to herself, that she still missed him. No matter what a horrible person he was.

It was sorry state of affairs and something had to be done about it. Hermione considered it for three more long and sleepless weeks, until she made a decision. Although she already knew that he would react hostile at best, she decided to seek him out one last time – for closure. To finally put an end to her whole, confusing, infuriating, highly inappropriate and somewhat mystical relationship to Draco Malfoy.

It had to be easier than ever before, to catch him alone. In the past he had always been surrounded by friends or henchmen, but this year he tented to stroll around alone – looking pale and miserable. And the the first opportunity to speak to him, actually occurred out of pure luck.

Hermoine was taking a walk around the lake, to clear her head and be rid of Ron's permanent idiocy and his constant need to be troll to her. When she spotted blonde hair through the thick trees. He was standing barefoot in the surly icy lake, throwing stones. His back was turned to her. It was almost too easy to sneak up on him.

“Isn't the water a bit cold?” she asked, and he whirled around looking startled. As he recognized her, his alarmed features became stony. Not of to great start. “What do you want ?” He snapped. “Can't you see I'm busy ?”

“Clearly”, she said sarcastically. Taking in his disheveled state, his ashy cheeks and bloodshot eyes, she tried to sound neutral, when she added: “You look terrible.”

He bellowed out a dry laugh, trowing his head back. “Gee thanks, Granger! Always a pleasure to chat with you. But if you don't mind – I'd rather not get beauty tips from a girl, that can't even brush her enormous hair. So move along.” He made a dismissive hand gesture and turned his back to her.

 _“Can you stop being a twat, for once in your life ?”_ It burst out of her, surprising them both. He tunred back around, grinning patronizingly, but stepping out of the lake and strolling over to her. “I didn't realize that me wanting some privacy was so insulting to you.” She felt her cheeks heat up, but forced herself to keep eye contact. She had to do this, or else she would never find any peace from him. Even though she didn't really know what _this_ was.

“It's not, believe me. Definitely fine with me. But I need to – I – I just wanted to-”, she was stuttering and it was bloody embarrassing.

“Yes?” He rather unhelpfully interrupted, mockingly leaning towards her, as if to hear her better. Up close he looked even worse, more tired than ever. And had he lost weight? Hermione felt an unreasonable worry seep through her. She took a deep breath, wanting to get this over with, before she lost her mind and tried to feel his forehead for a fever. Merlins sake, she was obviously losing it.

“I just wanted to ask, if ... – _are you okay? ”_ There was a pause as they stared at each other. Hermoine expected him to start laughing any second, at her uncalled-for concern. But instead, his shoulders deflated and he looked down. His answer was so quietly mumbled, she almost didn't hear it.

_“Well - not really.”_

Suddenly she was overcome with a almost painful need to comfort him. He looked so lost and vulnerable in a way, she had never seen him before. Her hand jerked in his direction, but she held it back. Surely he didn't want her to hold him. And she didn't want to endanger the fragile opening that was occurring between them. She even spoke lowly, to not spook him.

“It mus be hard. I would be sad too, if my father had been taken-”, suddenly his eyes snapped up, fixating her with a new rage. She almost flinched.

“I am not fucking sad about that asshole being locked up”, he seethed. But for the first time his anger wasn't directed at her. He was confiding in her. And he was clearly unable to stop – now that he had started. He was ranting uncontrollably getting louder: “ _He fucked up._ He left my mother in fucking danger and he doesn't even give a flying fuck what happens to us, he is an failure and now I have to fucking save her and he fucking- ...”, at that he interrupted himself, looking at her almost manically. “And he fucking went after you.” Silence. He was breathing heavily. She felt a single tear rolling down her cheek.

“So no. I am not sad that he is _fucking_ gone.” There was another loaded pause until Hermione, at a loss of anything else to respond just said: “That was a lot fucks.”

Draco was clearly dumbstruck at that. Until they both abruptly started giggling inexplicably and he smiled.

“It fucking was.” Which made them both laugh. Absently he raised his hand to fix a stray curl that had fallen down. It almost seemed, as if he hadn't even noticed his own movement until she froze. Hermione felt her pulse raise and immediately recoiled.

His features looked almost pained, as if he was fighting an inner battle. Carefully she extended her own hand, not able to hold it back any longer.

“Draco, I-... ”

“Don't.” He took another step back, slipping away from her fingers.

“Just don't. I should never have-... this wasn't. Forget that we even-... okay, this is not happening.” And with that he attempted to walk away, leaving her confused and lonely once again. But they weren't twelve anymore. It had been six years and Hermione was done with his cryptic bullshit. She wanted answers and she wanted him to stop running. So she blocked his way, bushing him back fiercely.

“Don't what ?!” She seethed, pushing his chest unnecessarily. “Don't talk to you ? Don't worry about you, when you like you haven't slept in weeks ? _Don't touch you ?!_ Because that never seemed to bother you before.” He stoically stared over her head, with empty eyes. She just continued mercilessly digging deeper. “Is this still about the stupid article ? Or about what happened in the ministry ?”

Instead of paying her the courtesy of responding though, he just shoved her hands away and continued fleeing. Hermione was not going to be treated like that. She hurried after him, planting herself in front of him again.

“Stop walking.” She ordered. “I am not bloody through with you.” He gave one of those not really amused, dry laughs. Even throwing his head back a little, like a doll whose strings had been cut. When he spoke, there was no emotion left in his voice.

“Don't you get it Granger ? It doesn't matter. You said it yourself last year. We are on different sides of a war. So yeah, _don't._ Don't try to involve yourself in my fucking life, because it just isn't your place. We are nothing and you are nothing to me.” With that she was once again left feeling her insides crumble and her face getting numb from the biting cold, tears burning her eyes.

*********

“So he is the worlds biggest arse, right ?”

_“Mhmm.”_

“I mean how can he say something like that ?”

_“Hm.”_

“And like, this isn't the first time he has acted like a complete idiot. I honestly don't even know how much more of this I can take -... Hermione are you even listing ?” She guiltily looked up from her knitting. Ginny was glaring at her.

They had been sitting in front of the fire for almost three hours now. Hermione had almost finished two pairs of socks for the elves and Ginny had been complaining about her boyfriend Dean the whole time. Wanting to be a good friend, Hermione tried to be there for Ginny and listen to her boy troubles, but after a while, it had become sort of repetitive and she couldn't be blamed for spacing out. Her mind kept wandering back to Harry. He was currently with Dumbledore, digging deeper in into the unknown secrets of Tom Riddle. After managing to get the real memory from Slughorn, they would make an important step, towards the truth tonight and the anticipation for his report, and the new developments in solving the puzzle of Voldemort's past kind of distracted her from Ginny's not that exiting love life.

“If you don't want to hear about my problems I'll stop bothering you”, Ginny snapped – clearly offended by her lack of interest in Deans repeated bad attitude towards her favorite Quidditch team or his disrespectful way of talking about the female players in comparison to the male ones.

“No, no. I do want to hear them. I just sometimes don't get why your even with Dean, if all he does is annoy you ? Why do you still care ?” Hermione asked, thinking about Malfoy. She had not tried to talk to him again, after he had told her that she was nothing to him.

Harry had eavesdropped on Draco and Professor Snape dispute at the night of Slughorn's Christmas party. When he had told her about it, he had wanted her to admit that he had been right all along – about Draco plotting something. But Hermione had felt herself growing even more worried. If Draco wouldn't even confide in his favorite teacher anymore, a man he had always seemed to trust and admire, he had to be very scared. And she couldn't help but notice, that he looked more miserable and almost sick. It just wouldn't leave her alone.

All he ever did was be mean to her and yet she still wanted to help him, she still wanted him to twirl her locks around his finger, she still thought about him way to much. He had pushed her away with more force than ever before and yet Hermione still pathetically wanted him to seek her out as he used to. Why did she still care ?

Ginny shrugged. “I guess I sort of love him.” Hermione refused to believe, that to be the reason for her own steadily growing insanity, she tried to think of a different one as her friend continued. “Even though fucking drives me mad. Yesterday, he told me that he thinks my-...”

“Ginny, can I ask you another question ?”, Hermione interrupted her, carefully selecting her next words.

“If a guy – hypothetically – seems to really like you, and than suddenly changes his mind, insults you and tells you to stay out his business, what would you do?”

“Ron told you to stay out if business ?!” Ginny hissed. “He is such a bloody buffoon!”

“What, no. This is purely hypothetically.” Ginny gave her a very skeptical look, so Hermione made up the first lie she could think of.

“Okay, Viktor said it. But I think he is only did, because he is going through a really tough time.”

“Viktor ? As in Viktor Krum your Yule Ball date, now pen pal Viktor ?”

“The very one.” Hermione said, hoping Ginny wouldn't look through her. She could never admit that it was actually Draco Malfoy they were talking about. But she also couldn't let her think it was Ron either, or else she might confront her brother about it. Trying for a innocent expression, Hermione waited while Ginny considerate the situation.

“And you think, he doesn't want you to stay out of his business but pretends to, because he is going through something ?” Hermione hesitated. The truth was that she had never really known whether Draco wanted her involved with him or not. He was just so bloody indecisive. This time she felt like he was hurting and maybe he really didn't want her anymore, but maybe he needed her.

If Harry was right, and Voldemort had given him a task, whatever it was, he had to terrified to fail.

Ginny, after some consideration, said: “Normally I think if someone says they don't want you in their life, you should respect that. But if your really think he needs your support, you shouldn't give up on him yet. Try again and if he still doesn't want you or your help, you should walk away. I mean, what does he really have to offer you ? I think you deserve better then someone living in another country, who is pushing you away.” And than she added with a knowing smile, “sometimes the things that are actually meant for us, are right under our noses.”

Hermione laughed at the irony. Because Ginny might be thinking about her brother and her friend getting together after years of bickering, but the way Harry had been looking at the youngest Weasley lately, made Hermione think that she might have to consider the advice in that last part herself. And aside from her strange nudge to consider Ron of all people, Hermione thought that her friends tips weren't all bad. She should try again.

At least one more time.

*********

“May I borrow your copy of the _Theories of Transubstantial Transfiguration_ ?” Hermione said, in an unconvincingly casual tone. Draco, who had been absorbed in his notes, looked up. It was late, there weren't many students left in the library. He was placed on a comfy couch in a excluded reading nook, hidden from curious looks and no one else nearby. So she had used this opportunity to engage in another, potentially excruciatingly painful conversation.

“That-”, Draco made a resigned pause, looking at her like a disappointed drama teacher, “was the most pathetic excuse I have ever heard. Not only do you probably now that damn book by heart, but I am the last person you would ask to borrow it, if you didn't have ulterior motives. So why not just say what you so desperately want and than finally leave me alone, _hm_ Granger ?” Hermione sighed, dropping down next to him.

His forehead rippled disapprovingly, but she never minded that.

“Fine.” She took a deep breath. “But I want you to be honest with me, or I will sit here the whole night, until you are.” He laughed dryly.

“I guess I have no choice then”, he mocked. But it wasn't laced with contempt. Which was somewhat reassuring.

There were a lot of questions that had spooked around the back of her head for month now, most of them were to embarrassing to even formulate to herself. But she knew if she didn't get rid of them now, not knowing would haunt her forever. Therefore she swallowed down the lump in her throat together with her pride. She wanted to ask him about Voldemort, or if he was in any danger, but she didn't know how she could broach the topic without revealing that Harry had overheard his conversation with Snape. There was so much she wanted to ask him, she wanted to offer protection and support, yet she didn't know how she could do either. Instead of trying to say any of the, another question escaped, without her even realizing she had thought about that, until it burned on her tongue.

“Did you ever have feelings for me ?” With great effort, she manged to hold his gaze and not shrink into the floor. His bright eyes had widened at her bluntness. Clearly he had expected an entirely different line of questioning and was now caught of guard.

“I-... _I think-_ ”, he began carefully, eyes still untypically wide and face a tat more pink then usual. But his voice stayed steady, when he said: “I think you already know the answer, Hermione.”

Everything, even time was frozen as their eyes met. There, in a corner of the empty library, hidden behind a large mountain of books, they sat next to each other, just staring. Neither of them said a word, neither looked away.

It was as if an invisible strings had formed between them, connecting their bodies with an almost painful clarity – that was threatened to break apart as soon as either of them moved a finger. And that suddenly, they fell into each other.

There had been space between their lips, and now there wasn't. Draco was everywhere, and Hermione didn't think that she was even breathing, yet it was like oxygen was overflowing her, like she had been drowning without noticing and now she had finally reached the surface. It was a kiss, that somehow only lasted less than a second and more than a decade. Everything that had build up between them, all the rage and the longing, the fear and the all the unspoken thoughts, were spilling from their mouths into each other, were binding them together. Draco's long fingers were clawing deep wholes into her spine, as she pressed herself against his chest, as if to mold them into one single being.

And than the lights went out.

They heard the librarian close the heavy gates from the outside, not knowing that two students were still hidden between the shelves. Draco's pale face was only illuminated by the faint moon light that came through the big windows, but Hermione could clearly see his expression of pure shock.

“Don't worry, I can get us out of here”, she whispered a little surprised that she still had a voice. He smiled weakly at her, murmuring: _“That's actually not what I am worried about.”_

But before she could reply, he kissed her again. And this time with an unknown force, full of intend. He pushed her backwards, firmly guiding her until they were both somehow laying under the table, Draco pinning her to the cold floor. Hermione couldn't stop a soft moan, that escaped her as he began mouthing along her throat.

His fingers were jittering, slowly opening the buttons on her blouse. When he manged to remove it completely, she suddenly wished she was wearing something more exiting than her plain white fine rip bra. Draco however didn't seem to mind, just kissing around the fabric, fiddling to open the clasp.

Although darkness surrounded them, she could still spot his look of incredulous craving that was written all over his face at the sight of exposed breast, and she felt more naked than she had ever before. To even out the balance, she pulled the shirt over his head. They fell back into a heated embrace, both trying to caress as much of the other, as they could hold on to. Hermione had the ridiculous fear, that he might disappear as soon as she lost his touch. He seemed to share that. Because there was no part of her, that wasn't somehow entangled with him, as they intertwines their hands over their heads, the kiss deepening.

Hermione had never been more at home or more lost in a strange, dark place.

She suspected Draco had never slept with anyone before, but she didn't mind. She preferred that, to the thought of him with someone else, maybe even that Parkinson Cow. Somehow they were both completely undressed. Grabbing his neck, Hermione turned them around so that she sat in his lap, knees pressed to his slim hips, with free view of his features. There was a flattering hunger - and more than that - a tenderness in his eyes, that made her heart flutter.

He made a strangled noise, as she lowered her middle down onto him and her breath hitched at the sudden fullness. Slowly, she began circling her hips until he pressed out a something that was more close to a growl than anything, grabbing her by the hips and turning them back around.

Draco's movements became more fluent and consistent with every time he pushed into her, as she kissed his neck and face, fingers drawing lines on his back. When he came, they collapsed into each other, still not daring to let go. Burring his face in her hair, and stroking her side, Draco held her tightly. After a little while, Hermione stretched her arm to reach her wand, that had rolled under one of the chairs. She conjured a warm blanked, that they cuddled on and another one to cover them. For what could have been a little, delicious eternity, they just stayed there like that. Arms slung around each other, breathless and satisfied.

But with a last chaste kiss on her temple, Draco got up and dressed himself. Not wanting to be naked any longer, Hermione did the same.

Than she stood next to the table in the dark and watched him collect all his books, with the help of his glowing wand. She wanted to say something. Anything. But she had nowords left.

After leaving the library, Draco started to walk towards the dungeons and Hermione felt her insides churn with something she couldn't even name.

Apparently changing his mind though, he turned on his heel and pressed something hard against her chest. Like in a trance, her fingers closed around his _Theories of Transubstantial Transfiguration_ copy and stared at the back of his blonde head, as he hurried away without saying anything else.

Hermione still hadn't even begun to process what had just happened, as she entered the common room. Her arms still tightly grabbing the Draco's book, when Harry stumbled towards her. She and Ron listened, as he quickly told them that Dumbledore and he would leave Hogwarts to find an Horkrux. He asked them to keep an eye on Snape and Draco, making Ron wait by of the room of requirement and Hermione by the office of the professor.

They watched him spurt away to meet Dumbledore in the entrance hall and into the night, leaving them with the luck potion in Ron's hand.

**Author's Note:**

> Sadly my keyboard has decided to be a bitch and writing is taking a lot longer than normally now. I am struggeling to even type this note. So the next chapter will be uploaded with a week delay, next saturday. Hoping to see you then - Cat.


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